I am a 26 year old woman, and
yesterday, I went to the hair salon for the first time in my life.
As a kid, I was always more interested in playing soccer and getting
dirty than in fashion or playing dress up, so having my mother cut my hair for
the past 20 years seemed appropriate. However recently I decided to step
outside of my comfort zone and do something different; I’ve officially entered
the world of ombres. Although I love how my hair turned out, the experience was
one I won’t soon forget and brought up many thoughts for me on the topics of
feminism and sexuality.
My appointment began how, I would
assume, most trips to the salon do: I was greeted with a smile by my
hairstylist and invited to read a magazine while I waited. It was clear to me
that this salon had taken several steps to make its consumers feel
welcome: I noted a warmly decorated waiting area with magazines (although
all appeared to represent a narrow population in terms of gender, race, and
class) and complimentary refreshments.
When I was invited to my stylist’s
chair she began to engage me in what I assumed was her typical conversational
topics with a new client. She asked me about my career, my age, and how I had
learned of the salon. As the
conversation continued the topic moved to my relationship status. When she learned I was single, my stylist’s
jaw dropped, “No, no, no, this just won’t do!” She immediately began to list
several names of young and available men she knows describing their looks and
how much money they each make. I considered all the other women whom have sat
in this very chair, having this exact same conversation. I was filled with sadness (and a little
anger) when I thought about how narrow and biased her assumptions had been. I became flooded with questions:
Will the day ever
come when I am not assumed to
be straight?
· Living in a
heterocentric society causes us all to make assumptions that may invalidate
those around us. As members of the
psychological community we are taught to identify, challenge, and change these
thoughts before they cause us to act in ways that may harm others. I suspected my stylist had no idea just how
hurtful she was being. I suspected that
if I explained her mistake, she would undoubtedly apologize and change her
behavior. But would she? And should I have to?
Will I ever not be
expected to rely on a man?
· Marsha Linehan would likely agree that I am never more
compelled to act on my “emotional mind” than when a person assumes a woman needs a man to make her happy or
for support. I feel a fire in my soul that urges me to immediately correct
anyone whom makes such an error.
Although, “I am quite happy with my current situation,” said in a harsh
tone stopped the conversation from progressing, I constantly struggle with
when, where, and what to say in reaction to these situations. I struggle to find the balance between
standing up for social justice in a way that is professional and willingly
perceived by others. (In other words, I have to fight the urge to embarrass or
cause physical harm when I feel discriminated against).
The worst part of the experience
occurred when my stylist insisted I allow their make-up artist to touch up my
makeup so that they may post a “before and after” photo. As I sat down and began the experience of
having to explain my life story, now to a woman named Vida, I made a conscious
(but failed) effort to provide only vague responses. The only words she needed were “psychology
student” to unleash the uneducated wave of discrimination and prejudice that
was to follow:
Oh I went to school for psychology too! I currently work at
the women’s prison as a recovery coach.
I am so proud of the work we do there, 3 women have come to us and we
have helped them realize God does not want them to be gay. So now we are helping them come back to God!
After immediately asking her to stop
touching me, and collecting as much identifying information as possible, I
informed our uneducated friend that her “work” was not only unethical and
immoral, IT’S ILLEGAL! I proceeded to explain that my work with LGBTQ
individuals would be the opposite of what she does, and would likely focus on
undoing much of the guilt and shame created in programs such as this.
Later in discussing the situation with
my mother, I questioned my reaction. She
discouraged me from speaking up, insisting that my words would have little to
no impact on this woman’s life and asking if I respected her right to have her
own opinion. After processing this, I stand behind my actions. While I respect a person’s right to opinion,
I lose that respect when the beliefs cause harm by discriminating against an
entire population. As a clinical
psychologist in training I feel it is my duty to protect social justice. As a woman, I feel it is my responsibility to
speak out against discrimination. And as
a human being, I feel it is my obligation to identify and challenge harmful
acts fueled by prejudice beliefs. For these reasons, I will always speak up!
- Written by Samantha Brustad
No comments:
Post a Comment